I knew you and I were both pretending you were ok day before yesterday, Krish Rajini and I had hoped that pretence would carry you, you said now that you were reunited with your guitar everything would be ok, you said the dark circles under your eyes was lack of sleep and you had grown scarily thin because of working out, then I knew you were pretending so I said macha you have to compile your writings and produce a book, it will be a big thing and we have to organize a book release, so you said yes I have to first do my studies, first time in this kind of higher education institute no?.. and I remember first time we met was not in hcu but in jnu when you had come for admission, you really wanted to be in jnu.. and your writings show your disillusionment growing with time.. I don't know what to say.. then you took selfie with us.. I thought ki ok we will meet soon, he says he will come visit me in haryana, He will be ok till then.. and now that same living nightmare is happening of running through the list of my suicidal friends and the calculation of whom do I need to call everyday.. whom can I call just once a week.. because I think they are better.. as I am typing one daily call level of suicidal friend is calling.. so I better stop..